Meet Robia! A deeply soulful Mamma whose honesty and earnestness during these unusual times is a welcome perspective. Her candid voice about her family’s worries brought clarity to our own. She brings a calming level-headedness to her personal parenting juggle: balancing her career as a lawyer, working from home and supporting her son’s distance learning schedule. Above all, she left us with a lovely, haunting question – “What makes a home?”

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On Parenting

3 things you’ve learned about your child and your family during this pandemic:

1. Our son thrives on a set schedule and routine. Knowing what to expect, even when no one knows what to expect has been the key for us. Relatedly, having a clearly designated physical space for learning online and reading through his planned schedules in advance.
2. We really like each other! And we don’t get bored or tired of seeing each other, as long as we can get a change of scenery once in a while.
   • It sounds cliche, but the pandemic has forced us to slow life down and muse about the most mundane things. “Where in the world is that trail of ants from the bag of dog food headed to? How do they decide who to send out and who hangs back? Do we think they’re brave? Do they always have the same job or do they rotate? Does the ant that carries the biggest crumb get the biggest portion?” Lots of quiet observation in between.
   • For changes of scenery, we spent five weeks in Montana where we went tubing and learned how to float down a river; we went to southern California where our son took surf lessons, ‘got wrecked’ and learned how to fall, get back up and make mistakes.
3. I can cook. We have been way more adventurous in what we try to cook at home for dinner, and have stopped making ‘kid’ meals, which has been huge.

Biggest parenting challenge right now:

• I’ve never been more acutely aware of the fact that he is an only child. The biggest challenge has been trying to understand how much of a toll the isolation from his peers has taken, and is taking, on him and finding ways for him to be with other kids socially.

What do you wish you would do more/less of as a parent?

• More: Physical activity/play. I am no athlete and feel completely inadequate as a play partner. A short bike ride chasing him on my own bike and I’m done.
• Less: Fretting over the fact that he’s a lonely-only. I am very close with my older sister, and my husband with his two brothers, so it’s hard to imagine what my son’s experience is like and will be without any siblings. It’s hard not to think about his lack of having a sibling as a really meaningful thing that he is missing out on. We never planned to have more than one child, but when at some point we realized we had aged out, I have to say, there was some looking back and second-guessing. Mostly, I just hate imagining him dealing with his nutty old mom on his own when he’s an adult.

What is something that worries you about raising your child?

• So much uncertainty. Not knowing what the future holds with respect to school in the context of the pandemic; whether the window of encouraging a love of learning is slowly closing; whether his conflict management skills are being stunted with so much independent online learning.
• Social media. I worry about what will capture his attention and influence his development without my even knowing. I’m not sure how we’ll balance letting him make his own choices, encouraging his independence, letting him join his friends and peers in whatever they’re doing, and teaching him how to avoid unhealthy habits or content. Having to learn remotely for school has seemingly accelerated the transition into a virtual world. Over the course of the pandemic, he has picked up Minecraft and learned how to navigate digital devices like a pro, and that somehow makes me a little sad. And relatedly, I worry about generally feeling out of touch with what the kids are into these days as the world around us seems to be advancing at light speed.

How do you get your child to do something they don’t want to do?

• Am I supposed to be candid? Because “You’ll get a prize” works like magic around here. I think I do all the wrong things, so it probably isn’t fit to print in all honesty. But since you asked:
  • Me: You need to stay in bed all night and not come into our bed in the middle of the night. You’re almost seven and it isn’t okay. Other parents tell their kids to get washed up, get in their pjs and go straight to bed. They shut the lights and their kids sleep straight through to the next morning.
  • Our son: Well those are terrible parents.
  • Me: You’ll get a prize if you make it to the morning.
  • Our son: [Sleeps through to the next morning.]

What do you love most about parenting?

• I love that at some basic level, it is really simple. I’m constantly reminded that he just needs plenty of love, food and sleep, and he is a happy camper.

On Work

What would you tell employers about what working parents need right now?

• I feel very fortunate to have an employer that made it very clear at the outset of shelter-in-place that the health, safety and job security of its employees were the first priority.
• Based on how successfully my firm has weathered the pandemic, I would say that honest, clear and direct, frequent communication from management goes a long way. Avoid treating employees as money-making minions and include employees in the discussion to motivate everyone to work toward a common goal of success (as opposed to employees trying to ‘save’ their own job). I think this applies regardless of the pandemic but during one, it makes all the difference.

On Your Wisdom

Words you’d like to share with your child’s teachers:

• We appreciate them so much. The fact that they have pivoted a million times to follow the ever-changing directives – that they show up every morning with a smile to educate our kids and provide some sense of normalcy. All of that does not go unnoticed or taken for granted.
• I think people sometimes compartmentalize that teachers are there to teach, and forget that they are facing all of the same worries, fears and uncertainties we are, and on top of that are providing stability and consistency for 20+ other families.

*Plinkit is proud to share these parent profiles as they authentically represent the diverse voices of our Plinkit readership. The views and opinions expressed in these parent profiles are those of the authors and may not necessarily reflect those of Plinkit Pte. Ltd.