Meet Misasha! A trailblazing Mamma who co-created Dear White Women (@dearwhitewomenpodcast), a podcast dedicated to tackling difficult topics that are often avoided among parents and children, such as race, gender and microaggressions. We love how she’s bravely breaking barriers.
. . .
Biggest parenting challenge right now:
- How to raise empathetic, inclusive and thoughtful little people who I hope will grow up in a world that truly looks at them for who they are, and not what they look like, their race or filtered by societal stereotypes.
- I’m of mixed-race ethnicity (my father is a Japanese immigrant and my mother is a Caucasian American), and I’m married to a black man from Louisiana, so we have two very mixed-race sons. I grew up in a mixed-race family so I thought I knew what that was like. But the world feels very different from when I grew up.
“Raising sons that many in the world may only see as black, brings up so many emotions. I have been called the boys’ nanny; I have seen eyebrows raise when they are energetic and loud in a predominantly white community. My biggest fear is that one day, my husband or my sons will not come home, simply based on the color of their skin.”
5 surprising things about parenting:
- On your child’s learning: Same parents, same upbringing; two completely different kids. I didn’t know this could be true! My oldest is a rule follower and my youngest is a habitual rule breaker. I’ve had to learn and value different learning styles. Keeps me on my toes!
- On school: Teachers are your biggest allies. They hold answers to questions you didn’t even know you were going to ask. Make friends with them – they will make your parenting life easier!
- On toys: Prior to having kids, I worked on a major case (as an attorney) that involved plastic dolls. After seeing the insanity that resulted, I vowed I would never buy my kids plastic toys. Guess who has a whole house full of plastic toys, now? Never say never…
- On food: My kids were adventurous eaters until age 2, and then basically gave up eating anything that I worked so hard to make until age 5. One kid just turned 5 and has yet to turn that corner so I am waiting (not so patiently) so that we can all enjoy the same food without battles.
- On childcare: No one prepares you for just how difficult being a parent is, both the amazing ups and the unpredictable downs. For that reason, we can’t parent alone – it definitely takes a village to help raise kids (family, if you’re lucky enough to have them close by, or people who are like family to you). Don’t feel badly about asking for help. You will be a better parent if you carve out time for yourself as well!
When your child doesn’t want to do something, what do you say/do?
- Sometimes it involves giving them a choice so they feel in control. Other times it involves reverse psychology; I might say to them, “Okay, I thought [insert fun activity] would be SO fun, but I’m guessing you wouldn’t like it??”
What are your child’s 3 favorite books?
- When my boys were little, they loved the Going-to-Bed Book and Goodnight Moon. We also read Churchill’s Tale of Tails for years.
- Right now, my boys love So Much! and Bibbity Bop Barbershop, both of which are great depictions of black families (in particular, black fathers and sons). I read both of these books in my kids’ classrooms for Black History Month and everyone loved them.
What’s something you say to your child every night at bedtime?
“It’s simple: ‘I love you.’ No matter what kind of day we’ve had or how tired I am after fighting to get them into bed, I want them to go to sleep knowing that they are loved.”
What do you wish you would do more/less of as a parent?
- More: Ugh, so many things. More of letting go of the future – worrying how I raise my boys now, today and tomorrow, impacts the kind of men they will grow up to be. More of letting the kids be kids; humoring them as children. More of letting go of my own anxieties with regards to what they’re doing at any given moment. More of just being with them and meeting them where they are. More of letting them be bored so that their true creativity can come out. More of seeing them as the “big kids” that they are now, capable and independent.
- Less: Less planned activities; I see how much stress there is on kids these days. Less distractions on my end when I’m with them – be it work emails, conversations with other people, my own thoughts and my phone (such a struggle even without social media). Less viewing them as the babies they used to be and having grown-ups do things for them. Less worrying about what other people think (after the birth of my second child this came a lot easier, but it’s still a struggle now in the elementary school environment).
Rainy days – What do you do?!
- My kids LOVE rainy days! They would love nothing more than to jump in puddles (my younger son) or run around in the rain (my older son). But in the Bay Area, rain is often in the winter, and accompanied by cold, so we read and color on rainy days, and some hot chocolate thrown in for good measure (with mini marshmallows, of course).
What are you looking forward to in the next month with your child?
It’s summer right now, so more time to explore and JUST BE – rather than rushing from one activity to the next or sticking to a strict schedule. I think I need this break as much as they do!
Words of wisdom you’d share with a new parent:
- Don’t be too hard on yourself. No one tells you just how difficult parenting can be, and each kid presents different challenges.
- Take time for yourself – to breathe, to step back, to be present – because you need it as much as they do.
*Plinkit is proud to share these parent profiles as they authentically represent the diverse voices of our Plinkit readership. The views and opinions expressed in these parent profiles are those of the authors and may not necessarily reflect those of Plinkit Pte. Ltd.
