Meet Christine – An effortlessly kind and nurturing parent who truly practices a growth mindset herself. Her intentionality is infectious and her honesty is cathartic. From reframing to responding vs. reacting, she’s a lovely study in being mindful about the everyday. We’re also adopting her individualized ritual of hugs and kisses. How sweet!
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Biggest parenting challenge right now?
With the kids:
- Testing boundaries – From our toddler running around naked in defiance to our eldest talking back, it feels like limits are being pushed all the time. It’s exhausting.
- Being ‘kind and respectful’ – Of all the things on our list of family values, this is the one that needs the most reminding.
- Giving ourselves space when we are upset – This is especially hard with 3 young kids jibber-jabbering all the time, but we’re working hard on modeling how to respond (and not react) to situations that upset us. In fact, my kids know that when I go out on the front porch with a cup of tea, I’m taking a moment to breathe and calm myself so that I can then come back with my full ‘toolbox’ to help them.
With myself:
- Remaining calm even when one of my children has ‘flipped their lid’ – I find this particularly hard to do with my eldest (of whom I have more expectations) than my toddler (who I fully expect to throw a tantrum).
(Said my toddler when I was distracted making her lunch one day. Apparently she’s now repeating my husband’s phrases!)
What do you wish you would do more/less of as a parent?
- More: Be playful; have fun; more one-on-one time with each kid.
- Less: Nag; manage mind-numbing day-to-day logistics.
5 surprising things about parenting:
On your kids’ learning: Learning happens in the blink of an eye. It’s amazing to watch the capacity of the human brain at every stage, whether it be a toddler, kindergartener or second grader. One day something is a challenge, the next day it’s a mastered skill. It’s also surprising to see the different interests of each child, and how we can influence whether they have a fixed or growth mindset.
On school: We’ve been fortunate to have wonderful teachers especially in preschool, which really set the tone for a love of learning. We recognize that school is a partnership between teachers and parents. (Which is why I love Plinkit – it connects the dots for us with what’s happening in the classroom with what we can do at home.) As parents, we’re still learning and growing right along with our kids – in fact, my husband and I are both engineers, but we’re relearning second grade math this year!
On toys: Simpler the better. They toys that have lasted in our household are the ones with open-ended play – jars of basic art supplies, blocks, LEGOs, dress-up bin, etc. Over the years, I’ve learned that: 1) it takes real effort to organize toys; and 2) rotating toys keeps things interesting. It’s amazing how a toy that sits in the corner for a long time comes back to life once you give it a new purpose or re-introduce it in a different way.
On food: Over time I’ve become more relaxed in my ‘rules’ around food. We generally teach our kids to make healthy choices and give them the freedom to pick what they eat (within reason). They each have different levels of self-control when it comes to sweets (it’s a work in progress).
On childcare: Finding the ‘right’ childcare is challenging, especially when the goal is to find caregivers that are extensions of your family. ‘Right’ meaning how the caregiver aligns with your family values and if they’re able to work the hours you need.
When your children don’t want to do something, what do you say/do?
For my toddler:
- I offer choices (to support her growing independence) and prepare her in advance for transitions. However, some things like safety are non-negotiable. For example, when my toddler doesn’t want to sit in her carseat, I ask her, “Would you like to do it or would you like me to do it?”
- If we are not on a schedule, I try to give her more time to come to the decision herself or play a game to make it fun. Sometimes, I can’t be as flexible and I tell her exactly that (like when we have to hurry and pick up another child or go to an appointment).
For the older kids:
- I usually tell them what needs to happen that morning/afternoon and in what order they could approach them. But that doesn’t mean that the will to get the job done is there. That’s when I have to do some reframing and be clear when things are a choice or a must-do.
- For example, my eldest recently balked at the idea of raking leaves as a family. As we drove home in the minivan with our eldest whining, my husband and I reframed the activity. Should we make a big pile to jump in after? Should we have hot cocoa afterwards? It turned out great, and she was even the sweet child who delivered hot cocoa to the neighbors.
What’s a recent event you wish you could do-over or say-over again?
For all the times I am patient and calm with my kids, there are moments where I also snap. I recently yelled at my daughter because I was so fed up with being yelled at. In hindsight, it’s obviously silly to yell back at a child who’s yelling at you. I should’ve been the grown-up in that situation and processed what her challenging behavior was really trying to say. Instead, I made her cry and I was all the things I’ve worked so hard not to be. If I could do it over again, I would have grabbed my cup of tea, and stepped outside to take a deep breath to center myself. I would have composed myself first, then figured out how to respond, not react, to my child.
What’s something you say to your children each night at bedtime?
- Always “I love you” followed by an individualized ritual of hugs and kisses. My youngest likes ‘leg hugs’, my middle guy likes repeat hugs and kisses, and to my eldest, I usually whisper a heartfelt thanks for the many ways I saw her help her sister or for being a great friend and a kind person that day.
- (This question actually reminds me that I want to develop a new mantra to share specifically with each child as part of our bedtime ritual.)
Rainy days – What do you do?!
- We live in Seattle; rainy days are inevitable and a way of life. We put on our rain gear and just go play outside.
- If we stay home, which is truthfully often the case, we plan an *epic* afternoon of puzzles, LEGO or fort-building. I’m all about reframing – when seemingly ho-hum activities are spiced-up, *epic* afternoons can be awesome.
Words of wisdom you’d share with a new parent:
- Practice self-compassion every day and learn to let go (of your mistakes, of the to-do list, of your expectations of yourself and others).
- I spend so much time focused on the kids, trying to be kind and generous to them, but am reminded that I need to do the same for myself. I am (slowly) learning to do this.
- It’s a wonderful thing to be present with your kids – but also show them that we are human and beautifully imperfect.
*Plinkit is proud to share these parent profiles as they authentically represent the diverse voices of our Plinkit readership. The views and opinions expressed in these parent profiles are those of the authors and may not necessarily reflect those of Plinkit Pte. Ltd.
