Identify what anger looks like across different developmental ages and understand what is a typical anger expression and what is developmentally expected.
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Children’s expression of anger varies. The intensity of the expression can vary based on age, individual differences, the severity of the situation that contributed to the feeling of anger and/or the amount of built up emotions that led to the anger outburst. There are developmental expectations for what may be an expected emotional response for children at certain ages. All feelings are valid, but not all behaviors (i.e., emotional outbursts) are appropriate. As a child gets older, our expectations for their behaviors increase.
- For example, observing a 2-year old have a tantrum if they dropped their ice cream cone would be expected, but seeing a 10-year old have the same emotional reaction would not be considered an appropriate response.
What Anger Could Look Like by Developmental Age Range
| Developmental Age Range | What Anger Could Look Like |
| Younger preschoolers
(ages 2 – 4) |
A tantrum and/or could be exhibited by a range of behaviors such as:
|
| Older preschoolers
(ages 4 – 6) |
From mild to intense, the range of behaviors may continue to be wide:
|
| Young School-Aged Children
(ages 6 – 8+) |
May typically include:
More aggressive anger behavior may include:
|
What is Typical?
Emotions are what makes us human, and when children experience big emotions, it is a learning process for them to understand what they are feeling and how to manage it. Therefore, having big emotional reactions, such as anger, is an expected and typical part of a child’s growth.
If your child is experiencing moments of anger that interfere with certain areas of life, such as impacting the family, having negative social consequences, or affecting them at school, then you may want to take a deeper examination of your child’s anger.
Questions to Ask
Questions to consider if your child’s anger is a typical anger expression or problematic (from What Angry Kids Needs):
- Frequency – How often does your child have anger outbursts or tantrums? Does it seem to happen with more frequency than other children of their developmental age?
- Intensity – Does the size of the reaction seem proportionate to the situation? How long does the anger last? How intense is the emotional reaction (loudness level and amount of energy expended)?
- Severity – When your child gets angry, do they hurt themselves? Others? Destroy property?
If your child’s angry reactions stand out in any of the above areas, then it is important to put an emotional regulation plan in place and/or consult with a specialist for support.
Use this roadmap to better understand how your child’s brain and body are emotionally and physically processing their anger, and strategies and tools to help them manage through it.