Go-To Parenting Scripts - How to Respond to Your Child

Learn how to respond to your child’s challenging behavior or big emotions with empathy. Use our go-to parenting scripts for 15 common scenarios among young children.

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When your child is going through challenging behavior or big emotions (overwhelmed, stressed, tired, frustrated, worried, etc.), it can be hard to know how to respond in the heat of the moment. Responding (not reacting) shows empathy. It says to a child, “I can help you process your big emotions. We can solve this problem together and we don’t need to solve it right now. You can trust me. It’s going to be OK.”

By responding, we validate a child’s feelings and give them the space and permission to express their ideas and emotions. By responding, we avoid confronting a child’s overcharged emotions with our potentially even bigger, overcharged emotions that may try to ‘fix a problem’ or to ‘get over it.’

Responding (not reacting) takes practice, patience and may not come naturally. It’s easy for voices to escalate, words to cascade and irrational behavior to take hold. In the classroom, we (teachers) only have seconds to respond; we have to think on our feet and often in front of other children and grown-ups as an example. So, here’s how we do it. This is a go-to script for 15 common scenarios.

How to Respond to Your Child When…

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When Your Child…	What You Could Say…
Is upset or crying	“You look sad. Would you like a hug?”
Is whining	“It sounds like you’re frustrated. I really want to help you. But I can’t understand you when you talk to me like that. Let’s try saying that again, and this time, tell me what you need.”
Says, “It’s not fair!”	“I know you’re frustrated because you wanted ___.” (Pause.) “This situation needs to work for everybody. Let’s figure it out. Let’s problem-solve. What are your ideas?” Or if the situation is a result of a ‘grown-up choice’: “I can tell you’re frustrated with my decision. This is a grown-up choice. You can choose when…”
Is being uncooperative	(Grown-up is feeling overwhelmed, irritated, annoyed) “I’m feeling really frustrated right now. I’m going to take a break to calm down. I’ll talk to you when I can control my words.” (Child is not doing something. Game-ify it) “Let’s see how many LEGOs you can pick up in 30 seconds. Ready? Go!”
Says something hurtful	“Is that true? No. Is that kind? No. I can tell you’re upset. I’d like you to take a break and then we’ll talk.” “I can tell you’re upset because that’s not true and it’s not kind. Take a deep breath. Take a break and then we’ll talk.”
Is fighting with a sibling	“Everybody freeze. Let’s take 5 deep breaths. In our family, we treat each other kindly and respectfully. We do not use our words and bodies to hurt each other. Let’s take turns explaining what happened.”
Hits, kicks, bites	“You must be really mad/sad/frustrated. It’s OK to have those feelings. But I cannot let you hurt other people’s bodies. Let’s take a break.”
Talks back	“You sound upset. Let’s talk to each other with calm voices. Do you want a hug?”
Says, “I can’t do it!”	“You can’t do it, yet. Keep trying – you can do hard things.”
Makes a mistake	It’s OK. Mistakes show we’re trying. Mistakes are how we learn to do things differently next time.”
Makes a poor choice	(With humor) “Wowsers. Let’s choose differently.” “Wowsers. That was unexpected. Let’s try that again.”
Breaks a rule, a family agreement	(Calmly state the rule.) “Remember, in our family the agreement is no [xyz]. It sounds like you’re frustrated with your sibling / friend. Is that true?”
Spills / makes a mess	(Pause. Deep breath.) “Oops! Let’s grab a cloth and clean that up.”
Has a lot of energy	“I see you have a lot of energy. Let’s dance, jump, run in place, etc.”
Doesn’t want to pause from their activity to eat / snack	“A delicious snack is waiting for you on the table. Your stuffy wants to eat it with you.” If on a screen, set a timer. “You can [screen, play, etc.] after you’ve fed your beautiful brain and hungry body.” Ask your child to make their snacks as an activity.

*Note: These simple phrases will not solve behavioral challenges. There are no quick fixes. But, these phrases can help kickstart a productive interaction between you and your child to connect first when things go awry. Establishing a connection / relationship first is paramount.

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How to Respond to Your Child When…