Social and Emotional Skills Your Child Needs for Kindergarten

“I think I have a sense for Kindergarten readiness, now how can I support my child to get there?” Keep reading for key action items and a framework for considering your child’s social + emotional readiness.

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It is helpful to think about Kindergarten readiness in the context of:

Social + emotional skills
Pre-academic skills
Parent readiness
(see also our FAQs)

Given that the focus on Kindergarten is often on supporting social integration and social success, here is a framework for thinking about social + emotional readiness.

Social + Emotional Skills

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Skill	Readiness	What You Could Do
Cooperative play (play together respectfully)	Social integration and social success are core to Kindergarten. It’s important to know ‘how’ to play cooperatively. Having experience in playing cooperative pretend games will help your child make friends faster.	Play! Our favorite toys to support cooperative play: #1, #2. Introduce the terminology of a “WE plan” (vs. “Me plan”). Share this video with your child on “playing fair”. Be silly! 5-year-olds are silly!! Learning fun, appropriate ways to be silly (rhymes, funny faces, not potty talk) will help your child connect with their peers. Try playing Silly Street or Mad Libs, or read Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus or Waiting is Not Easy! (or just about any Mo Willems book).· Remind your child that silly is for play time and recess. During learning time, we give our sillies a rest.
Join a game or group	It’s Kindergarten – there is a lot of play. Children will want to join an existing game or a group of children, and are often uncertain how to do so.	Teach your child to ask, “What are you playing?” instead of “Can I play?” By teaching your child to ask for information, not permission, they can avoid flat “No’s” and decide if they want to join – and find out how to play. Coach your child to include new friends into a game or group. Teach your child the characteristics of a ‘good’ friend and practice their Friend Skill Set at home.
Self-Regulation: feelings	Learning self-regulation is part of Kindergarten: how to manage our feelings, control our impulses and calm ourselves down. Frustrating things will happen at school (e.g. not getting your way, having to stop playing when you’re not ready, etc.). The ability to identify and express big feelings, move-through them, let things roll off their back and be flexible will help Kindergarteners enjoy their day. Children don’t need to have these skills mastered on the first day. These are skills they will learn at school.	Teach your child to stay centered with focused breathing – 5 deep breaths can help the mind stay clear when emotions run high. Help teach your child to recognize the signs of their internal state and de-escalate when their engine is in the red. Introduce ‘flexibility power’ – a superpower your child can use when they have to change their idea or try another way of doing something.
Self-Regulation: impulse control	Most Kindergarteners are still working on controlling their impulses (i.e., thinking before acting). Having a foundation where your child is aware of their own body space (the notion of a “space bubble”) and respecting other people’s space is very helpful.	Practice at home with games like: 1) Red Light, Green Light; 2) Freeze Dance; 3) Conductor (your child plays an instrument while you conduct and go fast or slow, soft or loud). In general, any game where your child must self-regulate their impulse to play how they want and follow your direction instead. Share this video with your child on “personal space”. Try using STOP! to reframe your child’s thought process.
Follow directions	Being ‘ready for Kindergarten’ relies on being able to: 1) follow verbal directions, even if it differs from what a child wants to do; and 2) follow-through on a task without being distracted.	Practice at home by having your child repeat directions back to you and check-in after each step when multi-step directions are new. Praise your child for sticking with the plan, and acknowledge or reward them when you know it was hard for them to put your plan ahead of their own desires. Play ‘Follow the Leader’. This practices keeping your child’s eyes and attention on someone else. Up the ante by playing with multiple people.
Conflict resolution skills	Kindergarten classrooms are full of healthy, necessary conflict. A big part of this year is learning how to resolve conflict with peers – independently.	Practice “I” messages at home with your child so they’re prepared when conflict inevitably arises at school. Help your child find their own solutions with the Wheel of Choices. Helpful phrases: 1) Can I have a turn? 2) When can I have a turn? 3) I’m using that right now; 4) You can have a turn when I’m done; 5) Keep my body safe! 6) Stop! 7) I can play with you later.
Ask questions	Kindergarten can be intimidating, especially for shyer children. Skills to speak up and tell a teacher when they need help are important.	During meal times or a play time where there is a lot of commotion, practice having your child raise their hand when they want to speak. Model, model, model question-asking. Bedtime conversations are a natural time for Q&A – show your child how to ask questions and think critically. Help your child understand the difference between tattling vs. telling and fibbing vs. lying.
Life skills	Self-help skills are core to social + emotional growth and to succeed in a school day. Life skills include: 1) use the bathroom independently; 2) use a tissue for nose-wiping; 3) eat meals/snacks in a somewhat orderly way; and 4) remember personal items (backpack, jacket, etc.). Kindergarten illnesses are real! Good healthy habits will help keep your whole family healthy. Key areas of executive functioning, including sub-skills like: 1) organizing, planning and prioritizing; and 2) starting tasks and staying focused may require targeted training. Studies have found that a child’s self-control at the beginning of Kindergarten is a strong predictor of reading and math skills at the end of Kindergarten.	Teach your child to wipe their own nose and bottom independently at home (and always wash hands after). Teach your child to use a tissue instead of a finger to wipe, pick or blow their nose, and to wash their hands after sneezing, going to the bathroom, and before and after eating. Consistency at home helps them remember to do this at school. Designate specific spaces at home for items to encourage your child to practice putting things away independently (e.g., jacket, backpack, etc.). Try to make it a consistent routine. This may also be an important time in their lives to discuss personal safety.

*Written in collaboration with Paige Abramson Hirsch, Kim Christensen and Doug Zesiger.

FYI – Independent Schools of the San Francisco Bay Area uses this checklist for student evaluation as a data point.

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