As your child matures, there will come a time when you’ll need to have a conversation about personal safety. Many parents hesitate to talk about staying safe out of concern that they might frighten their child. But it’s a necessary conversation, even with young children, and one through which you can empower your child and help keep them safe.
“My body is mine.”
Learn
Basic Concepts
- Teaching your child basic “street smarts” to keep their bodies safe is an important responsibility.
- The Polly Klaas Foundation cites that only about 100 children per year are kidnapped by strangers (a fraction of 1%), though these stories tend to receive significant media coverage that can make parents feel these abductions are more common than the data tells us.
- Child sexual abuse is commonly underreported, so accurate statistics are difficult to obtain. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center:
- 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18
- 34% of sexual abusers are family members of the children
- 96% of abusers are male
- 77% of people who sexually abuse are adults
- The above statistics are frightening, and should serve as powerful motivators to take the time to teach your child the necessary skills to keep them safe.
Just Remember
- Teach your child basic “street smarts” to keep their bodies safe. A must.
Do
Core Marbles
How to Teach Your Child to Protect Themselves
- Teach your child safety rules – Pattie Fitzgerald’s “Super Ten, Play-It-Safe Rules for Kids and Grown-Ups” at Safely Ever After provides a wonderful framework for teaching children safety rules in an empowering way.
- Quick tip – Code words can be empowering safety tools. For example, pick a family password for emergencies, such as sending another adult to pick your child up from school. Teach your child to ask for the code word when someone unexpected offers them a ride. If the person doesn’t know the code word, then the child knows to look for help, and that the person was not authorized by you.
- Teach and use correct names for body parts – Though it makes some parents uncomfortable, it is vitally important to teach children anatomically correct names for private parts.
- According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, using the correct names facilitates: positive body image and self-confidence; parent-child communication; and should abuse occur, the disclosure and investigative process. There is also research that indicates use of standard names discourages predators.
- Make a rule that the parts covered by a bathing suit are private.
- Teach your child that they have control over who touches their body – For example, asking a child before you touch them, “Can I wipe your bottom, or would you like to do it?” empowers the child. It tells the child “I have control over who touches my body.” Will it always be possible to do so? No. But building in small ways for kids to exercise authority over their own bodies is a good step.
- Helpful phrase to empower your child – “My body is mine.”
- Teach your child about consent. It can be modeled and you don’t have to wait for a specific time.
- Listen to a child when they say “Stop” – Whether you’re playing a game of tickle monster or cuddling, respect your child’s words when they ask you to stop. Empowering a child and teaching them that they’re the boss of their own body means listening to and responding to their words – no matter the context. Of course, sometimes it won’t be possible and parenting takes priority. But emphasize to your child that only in cases of health and safety will parents sometimes have to do things when children don’t want them to.
- Read books with your child that address appropriate and inappropriate touch – All parents want to keep their children safe, but many balk at proactively discussing these topics with their children. Reading and discussing age-appropriate books with your child is a great opportunity to ensure your child knows that you’re always willing to discuss hard topics – that nothing is off limits. Ensuring your child feels comfortable talking to you about anything is a great step towards keeping them safe.
- Teach your child to trust their gut – If something feels wrong or uncomfortable, your child should know to recognize this and have words and actions to get out of the situation. Some children are uncomfortable saying “No” to adults or even other children, so it’s important to role play and practice this skill.
- Teach your child the difference between tattling and telling and between fibbing and lying.
- Teach your child to keep surprises but not secrets – Emphasize that surprises are about happy things that are short-term, and that secrets often make us feel uncomfortable and are often meant to be kept quiet forever.
- Teach your child that you have a “no secrets” rule and that they should always tell you if someone asks them to keep a secret. Role play to help your child become comfortable responding if anyone asks them to keep a secret. “We don’t keep secrets, we only keep surprises” is an effective response that empowers a child and can help keep them safe.
- Research into predatory behavior tells us that many predators threaten children and attempt to scare them into keeping inappropriate touch a secret.
Our Favorite Books on this Topic
For Younger Kids
For Older Kids
For Grown-ups
