• Grown-up says: “Oh my goodness, it looks like we have a problem. Diego, please go get an ice pack for Rose’s head; she’s really hurting.” Then, “Diego, you said you were feeling frustrated when Rose grabbed the last set of wheels. What’s something you can do when you’re feeling frustrated?”
• Diego may say: “Ask a grown-up for help.” “Say Sorry, and ask ‘How can I help?’”
• Grown-up says: “Yes, you can ask me for help. Could you also freeze and take 3 big breaths to help calm down and make better choices? Rose, I know Diego hurt your body. How can he help fix his mistake? What do you need to feel better?”   

PLUS….

• Grown-up says: “I’m going to put the Magnatiles in the closet until we can all stay in control when we’re frustrated, and use our words to solve a problem.”

• Grown-up says: “Diego! We do not hit. You may not play with the Magnatiles for the rest of the day. Rose, you may use them by yourself.”

• Calms the situation. Asking Diego to get an ice pack gives everyone space for a minute, which helps diffuse the situation.
• Places the focus on Rose, the hurt individual. The grown-up’s non-judgemental response increases the chances that Diego will cooperate and get his sister some ice.
• After Rose gets immediate attention, the focus shifts to reflection and skill-building. Specifically, Diego’s capacity to control his emotion and therefore his behavior. The focus on what Diego was feeling (which he’ll likely feel again), and what he can do when that happens, empowers him to know that he has the capability to control himself.
• Helps them both feel resolution in the conflict and focuses on repairing the mistake, by asking Rose what Diego can do (maybe draw a picture for her, give her a hug, share a toy).
• There is an explanation of what needs to happen for the Magnatiles to return.

• It places Diego’s focus on himself, not on his sister, whom he has hurt; “Poor me, I can’t play with the Magnatiles now”.
• It doesn’t repair the hurt and rift between Rose and Diego. In fact, it exacerbates tension because it allows Rose to have the thing Diego cannot, likely generating more inwardly-focused “that’s not fair” feelings for Diego.
• It doesn’t help Diego do better in the future; it doesn’t build skills that he can use in a future, similar conflict.
• It controls Diego, but it doesn’t teach him how to control himself. It’s a short-term solution but can lead to long-term problems. It’s easy to believe that if a child really loves Magnatiles, this will be deterrent enough. However for young children, the switch to their reactive brains when mad means that they’re unlikely to retain a possible future impact in the heat of the moment.
• There is no explanation of what needs to happen for the Magnatiles to return to Diego.