Do

7 Ways to Teach Patience

• Describe to your child what waiting and being patient looks like in a concrete and tangible way, so that the concept of ‘waiting’ is less abstract. For example, to a child, being patient could mean:
  • Waiting your turn and letting someone go first. (i.e., how to share)
  • Keeping your words in a thought-bubble because a grown-up is finishing up a job right now (or is in the middle of using their words). (i.e., when a child interrupts)
  • Waiting for an answer to your question. (i.e., not repeatedly asking for it)
  • You cannot do something in the exact moment you want.
  • You cannot get something tangible in the exact moment you want.
  • Time passes by and nothing happens for you or to you. But you wait respectfully.
• Use visual tools and communicate time in a unit of measurement that is relevant to your child. Make the concept of time less abstract. For example:
  • Use an hourglass timer, or mark time using a mechanical timer or an analog clock. These visual tools allow a child to see the volume of time, while tracking and planning their time – all important parts of executive functioning. Waiting is easier for a child when they have a sense for that magnitude of time.
  • Say things like, “Halloween will be here in four sleeps.”
• Build in strategic opportunities that require your child to wait.
  • Build-up your child’s patience stamina. Start with 1-2 minutes at a time and increase that time as your child matures.
  • When your child asks you to do something, embed a waiting period. Start requiring small doses of patience early on in everyday activities. This will help normalize the concept of ‘waiting’.
    • “I can help you with that puzzle, but first I need to put a load of laundry away.”
    • “I hear you’d like more water. I’ll give you more as soon as I finish making your sandwich.”
  • Use timers to help your child build a concept of time and defuse any power struggles that may arise.
    • “You need to wait until the timer is finished before you can watch a show.”
  • Praise your child for small accomplishments.
    • “You wanted to speak to me while I was talking on the phone, but you waited until I was finished. You were practicing patience!”
  • Engage in ‘waiting’ activities that require patience.
    • Activities like planting seeds, growing butterflies, making papier-mâché, growing crystals, and sending and receiving letters provide great opportunities to develop patience and help children see the benefits of patience.
• Give your child advanced warning.
  • Let your child know beforehand when activities or circumstances may involve waiting and that they will need to be patient. Children often feel more open to learning when they know what to expect. Having a conversation about what it will feel like and what they can do can help a child better handle a challenging situation.
• Avoid filling waiting times with mindless activities.
  • It is an important life skill to understand and feel the concept (and discomfort) of waiting, and to know how to move through it. It is a critical life skill to also know how to be bored. Avoid shying away from letting your child experience what waiting feels like to develop their patience. For example, when waiting at a doctor’s office, waiting for food to arrive at a restaurant, waiting in line at the zoo, waiting for a sibling to finish their soccer practice, avoid defaulting to technology or other mindless distractions.
  • While your child is waiting, describe to them what they are doing. This will help them better associate the concept of waiting with a feeling or action that they can recall upon.
    • “You’re practicing patience right now, by waiting for the doctor to call us back. It’s hard work, but you’re good at hard things.”
• Teach ‘waiting’ strategies.
  • Focus on teaching your child what they can do while waiting, like playing games, thinking, singing, etc.
  • Fun games to consider:
    • Eye-spy – with letters of the alphabet, colors, sound, texture.
    • Start with, “I went on vacation and saw an aquarium.” Then take turns adding things in alphabetical order, repeating all prior items.
    • Say an animal, for example “bird“, and have the next person say another animal starting with the last letter of that first animal. For example, “duck”.
    • Cite the alphabet backwards starting with one person and the letter Z, then continuing with each person citing one letter.
    • Play “Imagine if…” Some ideas: Imagine if you could make the tallest birthday cake, what would you put on it? Imagine if you could fly to the moon, what would be in your space shuttle? Imagine if you could a treehouse in the rainforest, how would you build it?
    • Old-fashioned people-watching.
    • Key takeaway: Use this time to intentionally build patience and engage with your child.
  • Sweet videos to share with your child: Daniel Tiger reminds children “When you wait, you can play, sing or imagine anything” and “Whatever you do, think about what other people need, too.”
• Model, model, model.
  • For something as abstract as learning patience, you are your child’s first teacher. Show them what patience looks like through your everyday actions and point it out to them. Articulate how you are being flexible or doing something you may not want to do. For example,
    • Resist the urge to pick up your phone or otherwise fill your time while you are waiting in line at the grocery store. “There are a lot of people ahead of us in line to check out, so it’s going to take a little bit longer today, but we can be patient.”
    • Resist the urge to resort to on-demand options, wherever possible. “It looks like the book you wanted is not available at the library. Let’s put your name on the waitlist and get a different book from the same author while we wait.”
    • If your child is interested in a subject matter, avoid defaulting to the Internet and a search engine. Instead, consider teaching your child the process of ‘how to find out more’ and ways to inspire critical-thinking questions. “I really like how you’re asking so many thoughtful questions about space. Let’s go to the library to learn more.” (or “How do you think we could learn more?”) “What would like to learn more about first – what it takes to be an astronaut? About the solar system? How to build a space shuttle?”