• Your child is looking to you for cues about how to feel about the separation. If you model confidence, they will feel safe about school.
  • If a parent is anxious about their child starting preschool, the child will pick up on that anxiety and believe that starting preschool is something to be nervous about.
  • When a parent models confidence in the child’s teacher and learning environment, a child is inclined to believe, “The grown-up I adore feels safe and happy with this new person and in this new-to-me physical space. It tells me that I can be safe and happy here too.”
• This transition is often an emotional experience for parents too. Take time to reflect and process your own feelings, while being mindful that they are not impacting your child.

• School is a safe place;
• You have trust in the teacher; and
• You are confident that your child can say goodbye.

Things you could say:

• “I know it’s hard to say goodbye. But your teacher will take good care of you. School is a safe and happy place.”
• “I know it’s hard to say goodbye. But you are great at doing hard things!”
• “I know there are many new things about school. And it can feel scary. But I know you are brave and can try new things.”
• “It was hard for you to say goodbye today. But you did it! You can do hard things.”

• Recognize and empathize with your child’s feelings. This is a big transition (especially with the current restrictions in place during Covid-19 where parents may not be able to enter classrooms, and children are introduced to new adults with face coverings so are not able to easily gauge social expressions).
  • Avoid dismissing or downplaying your child’s big feelings.
• Use the RULER approach – Recognize, Understand, Label, Express and Regulate feelings.
  • Expect and prepare for it by talking with your child about: 1) the physical sensations that may occur in their bodies when they have these feelings (so they develop the self-awareness for their emotions and can self-prepare); and 2) what could help them feel better.
• For some children, knowing what you are doing while they are at school can be comforting. Tell your child some of the concrete things you will be doing while they are at school, and that you/ caregiver will be back when those things are done. e.g., “After I drop you off, I need to create a presentation and then buy some groceries for dinner. When I am done with those things, I’ll be back to pick you up.”

Validate emotions (Recognize, Understand, Label, Express)

• “You’re so sad/mad/scared. It’s OK to feel sad/mad/scared.”
• “I can see you’re so sad. It’s OK to cry.”
• “You’re screaming. You are so very angry. I know you don’t want me to leave.”

Offer reassurance (Regulate):

• “Grown-ups always come back.”
• “I’ll see you soon [after lunch, when you’ve finished story time, after rest time, etc.].”
• “The teachers will take good care of you.”
• “The teachers will help you feel safe and happy.”

• Creating predictability and consistency helps manage behaviors of distress. They provide security during a time of change. When a child is empowered to anticipate what is ahead, their self-confidence is strengthened.
• Create a plan together and stick to it to signal to your child that things are under control and that they can trust your words. (which is profoundly important for them to believe when you say, “Grown-ups always come back.”)
  • Do not sneak out.
  • Avoid asking your child’s permission to leave. (e.g., Refrain from asking, “Can Mommy/Daddy/caregiver go now?” or “I’m going to go now, OK?”).
  • Avoid negotiating. Provide limited choices only. (“Would you like to read a book or draw a picture before I go?”)
• Let your child know who will pick them up and when, and stick to a routine to provide this reassurance.
  • Transfer this information to your child’s teacher so they can remind your child throughout the day, if needed.
  • If possible, associate your return to a concrete activity or action in your child’s day so they know how to calibrate the timing of your return; otherwise, time is an abstract concept to a young child.
• Make a clear, definitive departure.
  • Let your child know you are going to go.
  • Tell them when you will be back. (“Grown-ups always come back” is the primary message your child needs to remember to ease the transition.)
  • E.g., “It’s time for me to go now. I’ll see you after nap time. Bye!”

• Establishing a special routine that becomes a familiar and comforting way of saying goodbye builds trust between you and your child. A goodbye routine signals to your child that: 1) you are going to go; and 2) you have confidence that they understand the process. Some ideas:
  • Read a book together before you leave;
  • Sing a particular song together;
  • Create a private handshake or silly goodbye wave;
  • Say the same parting words each time;
  • Do one short puzzle/game together in class;
  • Draw a picture of the both of you at the drawing table/easel in class, etc.
  • Do not: sneak out, ask for your child’s permission to leave, negotiate a departure time or linger after you say goodbye.
• Do what feels comfortable for you and your child. Unfortunately, as preschools navigate restrictions during the Covid-19 pandemic, goodbye routines will require more flexibility.
• Role play with your child how drop-off, their school day and pick-up will look using stuffed animals, toy figurines, puppets, etc. Acting things out visually can go a long way in preparing your child for the emotions they may experience at the time of the departure.
• If possible, do a trial run before the first day of school. Visit the school with your child (even better if you’re able to visit inside the classroom and meet your teacher), talk about what will happen at drop-off and practice your special routine.