Learn why children interrupt, what to say in the moment, and strategies for modeling patterns of communication. (It is hard for just about everyone to be patient sometimes!)
Learn
Being interrupted by our children is something most parents have experienced, and though it can be incredibly frustrating, understanding what is going on in a child’s brain can help us develop strategies to manage this behavior.
Why Children Interrupt
There are a few primary reasons why children interrupt. And sometimes, many of these reasons come together and drive the behavior.
- Developing their ability to wait; patience comes with developmental maturity – When a young child has something exciting to say, they have to work at self-regulating to keep it in. They are egocentric, live moment-to-moment and have limited impulse control. All of these add up to not being able to wait for the ‘right’ moment to say something.
- Seeking power or control – Seeing how they can influence the world and the people in it is intriguing to a young child. In a world where they feel like they have little power over what is happening around them, keeping someone from talking can be very powerful.
- We see this often during circle time in the preschool classroom, especially if a parent / caregiver who is not usually there is visiting. Children will struggle to cover their parent’s mouth to keep them from singing the songs or participating in the circle time. This is likely because the adult is joining a routine in which the child is very comfortable, something they experience daily. It is almost like a clash of the child’s two worlds coming together. The excitement of having their grown-up in their school space can sometimes manifest as (surprising) emotional outbursts.
- Seeking connection – When a young child sees others communicating, they often want to join in. They want to be included in conversations; it feels good to be part of the group and have something to contribute. But, using words and being able to effectively communicate is a developing skill for a young child – hence the interruption. They want to be included in the conversation, do not know how to make that happen, so they want the communication to stop.
- Seeking attention – While this phrase can have a negative and ‘undesirable’ connotation, it also describes exactly what a child may be doing. When a young child sees grown-ups talking / engaging without involving them, they might interrupt as a way to get attention.
- A child may also be feeling uncomfortable; there may be something about the situation that is not sitting right with them. Maybe it is the subject? Maybe it is the tone of voice? Similar to other behaviors like hitting, sometimes these ‘undesirable’ behaviors emerge because our children need something from us.
As an educator, even after spending countless hours teaching strategies and responding consistently to children, I still see it is hard for a young child to stop interrupting. At its core, remembering the norms around speaking and having the impulse control to not interrupt is a work in progress for a young child.
Do
When a young child interrupts, it likely does not come from a place of rudeness or disrespect. Instead, like with so many things with a young child, they are likely doing the best they can with the (often limited) tools they have. We have to think about the big picture: 1) When is the child interrupting? 2) Why might that be the case?
How to Model Respectful Ways of Communicating
Core Marbles
- Respond when you say you will.
- It is hard to do hard things – having patience is hard, but your child can do it.
Developing respectful patterns of communication is a goal that requires both adult and child participation. This takes modeling, patience and significant practice. We cannot simply ‘tell’ children how to speak or not speak, or when they should speak or not speak.
First, a child needs to know that they can expect you to respond when you say you will.
- For example, when you are home and your child calls out for you when you are in the middle of something, this is a great time to acknowledge they need you.
- “You want me to come see what you’re doing.” (Name what they seem to want.) “I’m working on something / talking to someone. I will come when I’m done.”
- Then, follow through. “I’m done! I’m going to come and see what you’re doing now.” If they know you are reliable and that you will respond eventually and consistently, it will make it easier to wait for you when you are in public or with others and they interrupt.
Second, a child can learn that it is hard to do hard things – having patience is hard, but they can do it. (Patience is a concept that is not intuitive to a young child.)
- ‘Patience’ and the concept of time is hard for a young child, and we should acknowledge this.
- “You really want to talk to me right now and I’m talking to Alex. It’s hard to wait, isn’t it? I will talk to you when I’m done with this.”
- Developing patience is a learned skill that takes time to learn. Building in little moments of waiting during your child’s day is an easy way to naturally help them experience patience, outside of when they want your immediate attention in conversations.
- Praise your child when they successfully wait. “Great work! You were so excited to tell me your idea, and you noticed I was talking so you waited. Thanks for doing that. Could you please share your idea now?”
| What to Say in the Moment | What to Say Next |
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More Strategies
Hand Technique – One way teachers manage interruptions is by coaching children to gently touch the adult’s arm as a silent signal (not pull or drag on the adult’s arm) when the child has something to say when the adult is talking. Then, the adult puts their hand over the child’s to communicate that they understand the child needs something and will respond to them as soon as they can.
- Explicitly teaching this technique at home can be very successful, but be prepared to practice consistently and repeatedly for it to become a habit.
Excuse Me – Some children are taught to say “Excuse me” when they want to interrupt. It can be tricky for a young child to judge when it is appropriate to interrupt with “Excuse me” (and technically the child is still interrupting). If it is your family’s practice to say “Excuse me”, try adding: “Thank you for saying ‘Excuse me’. I hear that you want to talk to us. I’m going to finish what I’m saying and then it will be your turn.”
- Repeat this if they do it again. Be sure to make space for the child to talk when you finish your thought.
- If it is your family’s value to say “Excuse me”, honor that your child is trying to do that.
Learn more about handling common scenarios in our bonus FAQs.