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How do I teach my child that there are people less fortunate in a productive, positive and respectful way?

• Openly and warmly talk about the need for helping people (vs. helping the ‘less fortunate’) – we all need help some time.
• Engage in conversations about the difference between a ‘need’ and a ‘want’.
  • How you frame the conversation is important.
• Expose your child to diversity in all of its encompassing ways (e.g., people, ideas, neighborhoods, foods, etc.).
  • Exposure leads to questions and conversations, and this will help your child develop a habit and mindset of civic engagement.

How do I explain the concept of community engagement to my child?

• Community engagement means recognizing an injustice in one’s local and/or global community and taking steps to alleviate the problem.
• Start small; acknowledge and affirm your child when they think beyond themselves.
• Make it personal and explain why it is important for your child, your family, your community and the world.
  • For example, “I care a lot about our beaches and the wildlife that enjoy them, and part of caring is doing our part to keep those beaches clean. So today we’re going to join a team and pick up trash that shouldn’t be on the beach.”

How should I talk to my child about the underlying social issue of a service opportunity?

• Children are curious, observant and concrete thinkers. Start simple and follow the lead of your child.
• Don’t shy away from difficult questions and conversations; this can leave your child feeling more fearful and anxious.
  • For example, if you’re bringing a meal to a shelter, you can talk about how some people don’t have a place to live and if possible, reference a place of support for those in need.
    • Be sure to explain why bringing the meal is a way to help those in need; this is step one in empowering your child to make an impact and being part of the solution.
• Books, books, books! They’re a helpful starting point for introducing issues, developing questions and critical thinking, and inspiring creativity in problem-solving. Read our favorites on this page.

How do I teach ‘engagement’ vs. charity (“I’m giving my old stuff to you” mentality)?

• When activities become part of ongoing conversations or some sort of routine – whether it be monthly, quarterly or annually – the consistency (not necessarily frequency) signifies to your child its priority in your family values. The selflessness will follow and grow.
  • This will happen organically when you engage in opportunities that resonate with your family.
  • One-off opportunities have a tendency to feel more charitable or service-oriented.
• It takes time and perspective to unpack the why behind community engagement, so give your child space to build their capacity for empathy.
• Infuse opportunities into existing family traditions or create new ones.
  • Choose activities that your child can easily participate in so that they feel empowered and learn that they can have an impact even at a young age.

When is it age-appropriate to begin engaging my child in service opportunities?

• It depends on the developmental age of your child. You’ll know best. Teaching children about community engagement can begin as early as age 3 for some.
  • Organizations that allow young children to volunteer often have minimum age restrictions or other requirements.
• Ideas for things you can *do* – even with your youngest learners.
• Keep the activities simple. Focus on exposure at first. Exposure leads to questions and conversations.

What about donating money or part of my child’s allowance?

• Learning-by-doing is ideal, but organizations like KIVA or Heifer International can also help children see the personal impact of monetary contributions.
• Doing something and then donating the proceeds is also a good alternative.
• Take the time to research the organization with your child so that they understand the why behind their actions, and to ensure the donation feels connected to the cause your child is supporting.
  • Why does the organization exist? How will your efforts help?
• Consider adding a ‘give’ component if your child has an allowance system.

Should my child show more gratitude, now that they’re seeing their privilege more clearly as they get older?

• Engaging in the community will help your child develop perspective, and ultimately that should feed into a heightened sense of gratitude.
• It takes time to cultivate gratitude and each child is developmentally different.
  • Many children will not be able to communicate and demonstrate how and why an engagement opportunity is impacting them (especially shortly after the engagement). The may need time to process (weeks or months).
• Model, model, model – Ensure your own words and actions continue to support these values. Be consistent in reinforcing why helping others is important to you and your family.

*Note – We use the term ‘community engagement’ throughout this article. Terminology may differ among communities and philosophies, and there are benefits and limitations to the various terminologies because of the complex nature of this topic itself. Regardless of the terminology you choose to use, we encourage a term that recognizes our shared humanity and removes the focus on serving as work done for others in a way that compromises the dignity and respect of those being helped. ‘Service learning’ is a different practice/method that involves layers of academic work and reflection beyond the scope of this article.