Do

Tips for Talking with Your Child

• Be specific. Children like facts – Use proper, socially relevant terms.
  • For example, “My skin is white. Your skin is black.”
    • It is important to use terminology that children will encounter in the real world.
• Ask questions – Children may not be going in the direction that you assume with their comments. Use questions to explore what information they are looking to get from you.
• Talk about what you believe and what is important to you
  • For example, “In our family we are friends with people of all skin colors.” “Our house is a safe place to talk about what you like and feel.”
• Children notice injustice. Name it and explain it – Don’t leave children to draw their own conclusions.
  • For example, “I noticed that Jane said Mary couldn’t play because her skin is a different color. That is hurtful and wrong. We don’t exclude people because of what they look like. I wonder why Jane said ‘No’ to Mary? Sometimes people say hurtful things when they don’t understand something or because they are scared.”
    • There are many reasons children exclude other children from play. When children exclude based on race, there is often something deeper going on. We encourage families to explore what this might be. Children have a sophisticated emotional world.
  • Research proves that parents should acknowledge race in conversations with their child.
• Normalize talking about skin color, ethnicity, culture and language – Don’t be afraid to 
name ethnic origin. Use vocabulary that makes all shades of skin beautiful.
  • For example, “My new friend, Ana, is a Latinx. She taught me a new word in Spanish today.”
  • “We all have different skin colors. We often say ‘white’ or ‘black’ to describe a large group of people. But when we take a closer look at our skin color, we all have different shades of skin. How would you describe your skin color?”
  • “People born in the same country may have similar or different skin colors. For example, America is not a skin color. Chinese, Indian – or any other country – are not skin colors.”
• Remind your child of the similarities
  • For example, “You’ve got brown skin. And Tom has white skin. But you both love ice cream.” or “You both love playing family.”
  • We Are All Alike…We Are All Different connects well with children on this aspect. Written by children, for children.
• Explain that skin color is just one part of who you are, but that understanding who someone is means getting to know them fully and on the inside – Ask your child to share what they’re an ‘expert’ at, what they’re working on, their favorite part of their physical selves, what they like and don’t like (e.g., foods, soccer, ballet, etc.).
  • Skin Again is especially good at addressing this.
• Highlight the beauty in your child – Make your child feel proud of their physical identity. 
“You are my beautiful, brown baby!” “You are my lovely, rosy sweetheart!”
• Use books to help your child develop awareness around race
  • “I noticed that all the characters in this book are one skin color. I wonder why there aren’t people of other skin colors in this book. We have friends and neighbors who are many different skin colors.”
  • Actively seek books to read with your child that reflect the diversity of our communities and that illustrate how diversity is a natural part of life.

Simple Activities

• What colors are in my skin? – Explore shades of skin color with paint. Have your child mix paint colors to match their own skin color and those of their friends.
• Face fun – Cut photos of faces of your child, family and friends into three pieces. Try to fit the pieces back together.

Our Favorite Links

• 100 race-conscious things you can say to your child to advance racial justice
• One World posters by Teaching Tolerance