Around the ages of four and five, children begin to tell ‘tall tales’. They may also begin to tell fibs and lies. How can you tell the difference among these, and how do you address truth-telling with your child?
Learn
Let’s distinguish the difference among tall tales, fibs and lies because understanding the motivation behind your child’s lie can help tailor your response.
- Tall Tale – Embellishment or a fictional story that your child tells you (far-fetched) – perhaps with a gleam in their eye, perhaps straight-faced – that both you and your child know is not an actual event.
- For example, “At school today I rode my bike so fast, it flew into the air and I did a flip and wheelie up in the sky!”
- Fib – Taking the truth and altering it slightly to benefit yourself or make yourself look a little more competent.
- Everyone has done this in some way. Maybe it is adjusting your weight or height on your driver’s license description or leaving out a piece of the story about a quarrel you had with a friend.
- A fib helps us save face when confronted with an error in judgment, a mistake in our work or interactions, or an expectation we hold for ourselves that went unmet.
- Lie – Reverse of the truth. There is a direct relationship between a lie and the truth. A lie is denial of an action that, in fact, took place.
- A child might tell a lie because they are worried about a consequence. They might tell a lie because of a past negative experience telling the truth and not being treated fairly for it. They might tell a lie simply to get something they want but do not think they will receive. A child may lie because someone told them they would hurt them if they told the truth.
For more mature learners, the reasons for lying may be more complex, as older children have a clearer understanding of intent.
Just Remember
- There is a clear difference in motivation among tales, fibs and lies. Each requires a different response to set the stage for whether or not your child will trust you enough to tell the truth in the future.
- Responding to a lie appropriately requires parents to think reflectively about the circumstance and reason behind the lie. There is always a reason; help your child find the motivation beneath the lie.
Do
What You Could Do and What You Could Say
For more mature learners, consider trying strategies that also lay preventative groundwork.
| What You Could Do | What You Could Say | |
| Tall Tale Telling |
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| Fibbing |
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| Lying |
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