As parents and teachers of young children, we encounter ‘power play’ in a variety of ways – some children like to play guns, some like to make pretend poison, others like to be superheroes chasing and capturing ‘bad guys’. This play is big, loud, and exciting. Both children exposed to media and those who are not play-out these themes. So where does it come from, why do children play this way and what does it mean?
“There is universality to the (gun play) motif. This play theme has generally little to do with societal issues of crime and justice. It is often used by the child to reassure themself that they could summon up safety, efficacy and power in the face of perceived or real threats in the world. At times…this play is reflective of the child’s internal conflict between impulses and emerging conscience.”
– Eric Stein, child psychologist
Learn
Basic Concepts
- Guns, weapons, and power play are just that – PLAY! Play holds importance and meaning; it helps us understand a child’s world.
- Play is the primary mode through which a young child explores themes, grapples with internal feelings, and learns to connect ideas, and actions. Play is how a child learns to independently manage their internal impulses, feelings, and actions.
- Play helps a child work out themes of power, control, competency, and independence.
- Play is fantasy; symbols used in children’s play do not have the same meanings as they do in the real, grown-up world.
- Play is also how a child experiments with what they may have seen or heard without fully comprehending what they’re interpreting; no maliciousness, ill intentions or clear rationale – just pure experimentation and/or imitation.
- A gun can symbolize being a part of a group that is playing a game together: “I point at you and now we’re playing; I do not have to stop, talk or negotiate,” – it’s action play.
- Guns or weapons can be symbolic tools of safety, power, and magic.
- A child may be learning to be a part of group action or play, and using guns may be one way that child engages in this learning.
- Read more about what the research shows about gun play.
- A child can rarely articulate the why behind their behaviors and choices; the why is embedded in their play.
- We can step into a child’s play world and begin to understand the significance of their play by observing, listening, and wondering. Through this lens we gain a better understanding of what skills they’re working on (social, emotional, and/or physical), and what we can do to support their learning.
Just Remember
- Guns, weapons, and power play is just that – PLAY! Play helps a child work out themes of power, control, competency, and independence.
- Symbols used in children’s play do not have the same meanings as they do in the real, grown-up world.
- Observe, listen, and wonder to understand what skills (social, emotional, and/or physical) your child is working on through their play.
Do
Core Marbles
- Reflect on your feelings about power and weapon play.
- Identify your family values.
- Keep an open mind. Talk to your child.
- Set boundaries with your child.
- Find positive ways to direct the power play.
What Can You Do at Home?
- Reflect on your feelings about power and weapon play.
- Does it make you uncomfortable? Why?
- What is the purpose of your child’s gun play? Is it to feel powerful? Are they acting out a superhero fantasy?
- Play is powerful; it’s the way a child explores emotions, ideas, and relationships.
- Banning gun play without exploring the underlying purpose of the play can result in a child feeling shame, frustration or distrust of adults. If your child’s play becomes secretive, you may have lost your power as a parent to help them interpret their feelings or the purpose of their play.
- Be prepared to honestly answer questions. If your child is asking to play with guns, they’re ready for more information. Start by asking probing questions to clarify what your child is thinking about. Then, using age appropriate language, answer their questions. For example:
- “Some people use guns to hurt others, that is why some grown-ups do not like guns.”
- “To have a real gun you must learn how to use it safely. Real guns can be dangerous.”
- “Yes, the man used a gun to kill Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It made people very sad.”
- Identify your family values. Each family has a different experience and relationship to weapons and power. Convey explicitly your family values to your child. For example:
- “In our family, we like pretending with each other, but we do not hurt others.”
- “In our family, we use guns to hunt animals, but we learn how to use them safely before we go hunting.”
- Keep an open mind. Talk to your child.
- “I notice you like to play guns with your friend. Tell me more about your game.”
- “It sounds like you are feeling very powerful. Let’s remember to ask friends before we play weapon games. We must keep everyone safe and comfortable.”
- “When you point your gun at me, what is your play plan? What do you want me to do?”
- Set boundaries with your child.
- “At school, you play guns with your friends and the teachers help you keep the game safe and fun. At home, we play other games.”
- “Before you play weapon games, check in with your friend and ask if they are OK if you point something at them.”
- “If you notice your friend is feeling sad or uncomfortable, you can say ‘Time-out stop!’ and check in with your friend. Ask them, ‘Do you want to stop playing?’”
- Find positive ways to direct the power play.
- Make a ‘monster’ to ‘shoot’.
- Create a target on which to focus big, power play energy – a ‘bad guy’ or ‘monster’.
- Make targets and throw beanbags, water balloons, squirt guns, tape balls, etc.
- Make your own power costumes (e.g., masks, gloves, capes, power belts, wrist bands, etc.) with felt, glue and jewels. Be your very own superhero!
- Have a crafting or tinkering space to build power objects.
- Build a sword out of popsicle sticks and put it in a holster (which you can tape to your child) made out of empty toilet paper rolls.
- Make wands that ‘shoot’ magic, making ‘bad guys’ invisible or forcing them to freeze.
- Use LEGOs to build ‘shooters’ that have mechanisms for different powers.
- Use old tubes or pvc pipes to make a marshmallow blower.
- Give your child wood, hammers, and nails to build their own power weapon.
- Draw pictures, or ask your child to write their own power story and read it back to them.
- Children love to create stories about power objects. Make sure to ask your child, “What power does your favorite toy have?” Imagination is an empowering tool.
- Make a ‘monster’ to ‘shoot’.