Spread the Love!
Go beyond “How was your day?” Our Top 10 favorite conversation starters can give you insight into what matters to your child and deepen your connection with them. Try asking one consistent question each day.
Learn
- Consider timing and your child’s mood before embarking on a series of questions.
- Your child may need time to process their day before they begin to share details. For some children, this may be minutes; for others, a few hours. For some, just before bedtime is a calm time to be reflective.
- Embed your questions in normal, back-and-forth conversation and follow your child’s lead.
- Try to avoid a formal, sit-down style debrief, which can feel like an interrogation and can even seem confrontational to a child. The idea is to just get your child talking about their day. Once they start talking, follow-up questions can be asked.
- Keep the questions simple and specific.
- Ask questions about specific points in the day (lunch, circle time, break, etc.) or when your child is socializing with others.
- Kids have a hard time revisiting their entire day. They need to know what kind of information you want.
- Respect your child’s decision to keep some things to themself, but they cannot ignore you.
- It’s OK if your child says they don’t feel like talking.
- If a child feels like you’re prying, they may withdraw even more.
- Let your child know that you’d like to talk later in the day (especially if your child is uncomfortable about something in their day).
Do
Our Favorite Conversation Starters
| Our Top 10 Favorites | Bonus Fun (but a little trickier to answer) |
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Helpful Tips
- Some children may need you to be even more specific than these starter questions. For example:
- “Who did you play with today?”–> Then name a few children that your child typically plays with.
- “Where did you play outside?”–> “Did you work on your monkey bar tricks?” “Did you get the turn you wanted with the tricycle?”
- Some children may need you to go even a step farther. Snippets from teachers can add an important layer for prompting.
- When children are non-responsive to prompting questions, we suggest that parents have a brief, daily conversation with their child’s teachers to get a few highlights of the day. This can be a quick note home, an email, or an in-person check-in at pick up.
- For example, a quick recap from a teacher, like “Joaquin drew with the markers today. He played animal bingo with Anna, climbed the jumping ladder, and suggested we sing Old MacDonald at circle time.” Then the parent can say, “Your teacher told me you suggested Old MacDonald at circle time today. Did your friends love the song as much as you do? Did anyone sing with you?” or “Your teacher told me you used the markers today. “What picture did you draw?”
Easy Things You Can Do
- Tell your child some of your memories from your early days in school. Children love hearing stories of when their parents were little.
- Recount stories from your day that answer the very same questions you’ve posed to your child. Modeling a response will inspire your child – not only in their storytelling ability, but also in showcasing the breadth of what an answer can be.
- During a calm time (dinner time or bedtime are great examples), ask your child these questions – and share your own answers with them. (Analogous to games such as “rose, thorn, bud”, “peak and pit”, “high and low”, etc.). Make this a routine where you ask the same 3-4 questions during the same time of the day, and you may find that your child begins to consistently share.
- What made you happiest today?
- What made you sad, anxious or worried today?
- What is something you wish you could re-do today?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Paige Abramson Hirsch, Teacher + Education Consultant + Parent
Paige Abramson Hirsch is an elementary school teacher turned lawyer turned educational administrator and educational consultant supporting school districts and charter schools. Paige studied psychology with a focus in child development at Tufts University and holds a JD/M.Ed from the University of Minnesota. Paige previously served on the Board of HAND, a non-profit for bereaved parents. She lives in San Carlos, California with her husband and two young children, whom she thanks for providing her with endless opportunities to analyze child development and behavior!
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